my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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