singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
