do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
