i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
