I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
