I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
