Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize