saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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