I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
