Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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