I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
