Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
sex in a hospital.. check
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize