Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
