When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
