I'm so fucking centered right now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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