So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
