I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
