My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
