Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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