I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I fill condoms, not promises.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
