Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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