Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Randomize
