Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
