You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
