I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No subtext here. People are naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
