M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
