I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
