And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
