If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And then he peed in my hair
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