May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize