Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
