my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
