I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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