apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
