a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
