FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
