Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize