Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
