if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
