sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
