I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
