so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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