Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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