i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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