Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
