From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
