Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
