Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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