Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
