My hand turned me down
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MIDGETS
????
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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