Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
