It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
