Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
