Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is Oprah even human
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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