I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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