wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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