Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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