My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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