The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
