No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
