i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
