She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
