...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
