the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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